Trying to have more ups then downs

I missed the following pictures. I don't have my peak and pit for the post but I will take just a second and write a few things I remember about them. This week have been very trying we got very bad news that my dads cancer is spreading and he has gotten sicker. He now how two bags for his urine and a bag for his upper intestines. The cancer is everywhere in his stomach. We are hoping to get him into a program in Tucson which might work for him, but for right now we are not even sure if they will take him in the program. I feel pretty numb to everything. I have cried a lot and I feel sad, but it like I am walking in a haze. I don't really feel myself and every once and while I just get sad. One night I was feeling extra sad and Liam was so sweet and cuddly he snapped me right out of it. My boys have no idea what's going on and it makes me sad because most likely Eli will be my only child to remember my dad and I am sure with time those memories will be few and far between. This whole process breaks my heart and I know soon their will be an ache in my heart that will just never go away. I'm a lucky girl who has a wonderful father.

I've decided we have spent way too much time at hospitals. It's time to watch some speedy snails.

I feel like it has been bad news after bad news. I would like to reflect on the positive. I have yet to be here when my dad doesn't have at least 4 visitors. He is such a good man and so loved.

 I was laying in my bed feeling gloomy and tired. Then I realized a little body was cuddled up to me. I decided to no longer be gloomy and be in the moment. I spent the next hour laughing and having the best time with this little boy. I needed this.

I've been staying late at the hospital with my dad lately. Tonight Jacob put the boys to bed and one night I guess Liam was extra tired. He told Liam to go potty (a regular part of our night time routine) any way Liam took a while so Jacob went to go check on him and found this. Poor little guy was too pooped to poop.