Lazy but fun day

Today's peak was that I readjusted some spots in my life that I felt like I was failing. I did school with each boy. I think they progress and I think I kept my patience pretty good. Both boys are very bright and learn a different ways. At moments like this I wish that I went to school to be a teacher or something. Eli is working hard on his letters and Liam is working on colors and patterns. I also spent some one on one time with each child. I'm currently reading how to win friends and influence people. Jacob has been wanting me to read it forever so I feel like I am making him happy by doing this.

My pit was how homeless we all looked. I dressed my kids then somehow all day they were in their underwear! I had spilt food all over me and I never really got my makeup done..we were all a hot mess.

I never want to forget how much happier my kids are when I do more structure and routine. Maybe it's because I am happier but Eli and Liam seem to do so much better. I also never want to forget how funny they are when they play together. They have such fun imaginations and when the are cowboys, super hero or knights it's always fun to hear about their adventures. Liam and Eli walked up to me today and said mom hurry leave this room. I just threw and grenade and it's about to explode.

Had to get a picture of the boys playing this morning. Liam has a knife and a gun in his underoos and Eli is blowing out his gun after shooting the bad guy. He said he learned that from Papa's westerns. Oh ya and the trophy and Lilly are always near by.

Sometimes I wish I was a 3 year old and I could take a nap wearing my ninja costume with cheesz its on my chest. Just cause I felt like it.

Excuse me ice cream truck please stop for one boy in his underroos and a power ranger. Not pictured a lady holding a baby wearing only her diaper.

Eli walked up to me handed me Jacob's scriptures and said, "mom read your scriptures!" I said, "Sure right after I finish this." To which he replied, "NO more read them now! They are very important!" Guess what I am now doing.

Liam taking a turn holding Soul

 Went to the Gilmore's yesterday. Eli and Soul just chillin

Eli and Paps are another year older

Today Eli turned 5 and my dad turned 64! Eli was the boss of our day and he picked everything we did and ate! We decided that our kids will have a birthday part every other year so this year Eli just gets to have a wonderful day all about him. We started off my heading to the movie which actually wasn't out yet....oops my bad. So Eli choose the fishy museum instead. This was the first time Lilly was awake and really enjoyed and did the whole aquarium. Eli and Liam loved it as always. After the Aquarium we got a pretzel because Eli just loves mall pretzels.After that I thought Eli would want to do the tramp thing with the elastic bands and the mall but he was too scared so he choose to go to game works instead. We played video games for about an hour and a half. After that we got another pretzel (each time we shared) because well that what Eli wanted!

That night we tried to take Eli to Ah So. His favorite place to eat but they were not open yet and we really needed to get to the hospital for my dads birthday. We told Eli we would take him Saturday and he was totally okay with that. So we ended up eating at Chik Fil A and letting the boys play for a while.  We picked up a sitter (to watch the boys while we did stuff with my dad)  then headed out to the hospital to see my dad. We brought a DQ cake and sang to Eli. He loved seeing papa rubbed his feet. Played with his cousins then he left to bass pro shop with the sitter.

We stayed back to do my dad's present and sing to him. Over the past few weeks I asked people to email me any memory they had of my dad. As I received them I have been posting them to a blog I created. It was been so nice while we have been getting this bad news to read these stories and celebrate my dad. I thought it would be a prefect time to show him the blog and in a few weeks after all the stories are in we will print the blog into a book. All the adults were in the room with my dad and we took turns reading our favorite stories.My dad doesn't have much energy but I could tell he loved it and we all had a wonderful time. I'm was sad he spent his birthday in the hospital but I am glad we were able to make it special and make a good memory.

For his birthday Eli gets to pick everything we do and eat. We have hi up Sealife Aquarium, game stop and ate some pretzels. H also tell everyone we see it's his birthday and hit up the pretzel place twice.

This might be one of my favorite moments every. This game the boys are on safari and they are being attacked by giant spiders, they have to shoot. They were screaming and shooting. I wish I made a video.

Today's Eli's birthday that's the only way we would ever be at an arcade these two think they have died and gone to heaven.

Even with out Jacob. Every time Eli visits my dad he pulls up a chair and starts rubbing his feet. Eli and papa share the same birthday. Just our two birthday boys hanging out.

Eli is such a good sport. he spent his 5th birthday in the hospital. After he blew out his candles he looked up and said, "Dad do you want to know what I wished for?" Jacob replied , "What?" "I wished Papa would feel better."My mom sister and I were instantly crying. He has such a sweet heart.

Eli's 5 year old questions

1. What's your favorite color? White & Black
2. What's your favorite toy? Ironman
3. What your favorite fruit? Watermelon
4. What's your favorite TV Show? BofM Nephi Stories
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for Breakfast? No answer
6. What is your favorite outfit? Captain America costume with glove and his Batman shirt
7. What is your favorite game? Football on the TV
8. What is your favorite snack? Rice Krispies
9. What is your favorite animal? Lion
10. What is your favorite song? Nephi's Courage
11. What is your favorite book? Spooky Green pants
12. Who is your best friend? Liam, Lilia & Mom
13. What is your favorite lunch? Pizza
14. What is your favorite thing to do outside?Playing with William
15. What is your favorite drink? Powerade
16. Where is your favorite place to go? Chik Fil A  or the Movies
17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? IronMan
18. What is your favorite thing to eat for dinner? Meatballs

Trying to have more ups then downs

I missed the following pictures. I don't have my peak and pit for the post but I will take just a second and write a few things I remember about them. This week have been very trying we got very bad news that my dads cancer is spreading and he has gotten sicker. He now how two bags for his urine and a bag for his upper intestines. The cancer is everywhere in his stomach. We are hoping to get him into a program in Tucson which might work for him, but for right now we are not even sure if they will take him in the program. I feel pretty numb to everything. I have cried a lot and I feel sad, but it like I am walking in a haze. I don't really feel myself and every once and while I just get sad. One night I was feeling extra sad and Liam was so sweet and cuddly he snapped me right out of it. My boys have no idea what's going on and it makes me sad because most likely Eli will be my only child to remember my dad and I am sure with time those memories will be few and far between. This whole process breaks my heart and I know soon their will be an ache in my heart that will just never go away. I'm a lucky girl who has a wonderful father.

I've decided we have spent way too much time at hospitals. It's time to watch some speedy snails.

I feel like it has been bad news after bad news. I would like to reflect on the positive. I have yet to be here when my dad doesn't have at least 4 visitors. He is such a good man and so loved.

 I was laying in my bed feeling gloomy and tired. Then I realized a little body was cuddled up to me. I decided to no longer be gloomy and be in the moment. I spent the next hour laughing and having the best time with this little boy. I needed this.

I've been staying late at the hospital with my dad lately. Tonight Jacob put the boys to bed and one night I guess Liam was extra tired. He told Liam to go potty (a regular part of our night time routine) any way Liam took a while so Jacob went to go check on him and found this. Poor little guy was too pooped to poop.

Love My Kids

I try and do something fun with my kids everyday. Then they remind me that sometimes fun is just a simple and going in the back yard getting naked and playing in the hose. I love that they all play together. Even little miss Lilly is getting right in there with them. The following picture is so much fun just stare at each child and wonder what exactly they are thinking right now.

Well that didn't take long. Lilly girl is up and in the middle of everything with her brothers.

Tough week

These were a few pictures I missed Jouranling. I don't have my peak and pit but I do remember a lot about this week. I remember feeling very tired from the emotions I was feeling from hearing that my dad was getting worse and most likely would never get better. I remember that one second I was fine and then all the sudden my heart would hurt and I just wanted to crawl in bed and cry. I remember feeling so torn between spending time with my children and being there for my mother. I remember this was a very hard week. Then to top it off I had the Relief Society lesson. Now that was actually a trail but in the end it was wonderful. The lesson went great. I learned a lot and I feel like I taught a great lesson. I love teaching and I feel like me having the lesson this week was a little bright spot in a very gloomy week.

UMM excuse me I'm ready to get out of here. Fiine I will just chew my way out.

Guess who had the RS lesson yesterday. I love my calling.

Went to see Papa yesterday and Liam still has to be right by his side. These two just needed a western.

Every time my husband is with my dad he just starts rubbing his feet. This gives my dad some comfort and relief. Last night Eli started to learn. 7 years ago Jacob came into my life riding a white horse and he has never gotten off. I love ya Jacob thanks for loving my dad and teaching our children to do the same.

It's been a rough few days...

The past few days have been one big PIT! My dad has just been getting sicker and sicker it seems. Today he went to his Dr he looked one look at him and sent him to the hospital. My dad is having horrible pains from his tumor and in his side. They have found a blockage and they need to take care of it right away because he isn't able to eat or go to the bathroom. While they have been trying to figure this our it has been bad news after bad news after bad news. My dad now has a bag for his kidneys and an Isolostoym bag. Poor guy has been through it.

This has been very hard because we also found out the chemo isn't working and that we have very few options left. I have watched my dad for the past few weeks become extremely week and a former shell of my dad. It's weird though because he's still in there. I have also had to come to the realization that this could also be my last few months with him and that has been a very hard pill to swallow. Realizing this has made me  every once and a while just break down in tears. I'm also struggling with getting quality time with my dad and still being there for my children. So feeling like I am feeling them or him has also put me in tears. Jacob has been amazing and every day I am so thankful for him.

Just hanging with my homie. Just got a nice dose of morphine and is in "happy land " as Eli would put it. I wonder if he thinks he driving the roads to the cabin again

Hanging with Mamo as Papa gets another procedure. She was confused for a few seconds Brooke Sheilds is pregnant? Until we realized the magazine is from April 2003. We found the room where magazines go to die. Nothing is before 2008.

 You would think he just entered Disneyland he hasn't had anything to eat or drink for 2 days. He can have Popsicles and jello. He's so excited!